The Culprit (Part 1): Girl Scouts

I had a realization today.  I live in America… and as long as I am an American living in America, nothing is my fault.  So, the fact that I gained an embarrassing amount of weight since August can’t be *my* fault… it must be the fault of others.  But who?

In this, the first installment of an investigative weblog mini-series dubbed “The Culprit”, I will attempt to place the blame of my poor dieting and lack of fitness on other entities to assuage myself of guilt… and after all, it’s the American way.

The first Culprit under investigation?  The Girl Scouts of America

That’s right.  The insidious clan of pre-pubescent girls who sell impossibly delicious (and arguably addictive) cookies with a merciless efficiency that would turn even the brightest Hitler Youth green with jealousy…

Yes, it’s Girl Scout Cookie season.  Or as we call it in my house “another reminder of Dan’s inability to exercise will power.”  Not only do the Girl Scouts have a fool-proof system of having adorable little kids selling cookies (for $27 a box, or whatever they’re charging these days), but the cookies (drugs?) they are delivering (dealing?) are so addicting that the word “addicting” simply does not suffice.  They have a business model that would make Stringer Bell beam with pride.  Notably, they report $700 million profit and some former members have been known to use their considerable cultural and political influence to leverage a lucrative career with non-profit organizations… and the untold fame & fortune that comes along with it.

And I, like Bubbles, simply cannot resist.  When was the last time you had a Samoa?  I submit to you that it is, simply put, the best mass produced cookie in the history of cookies.  Delicious chocolate and caramel, a wonderful cookie crunch (like twix), and just the right amount of coconut.  I think, if left to my own devices, I could eat 7 boxes in an afternoon of watching basketball.  No, seriously, seven.  Somewhere in the high single digits (8 or 9 boxes… approaching that 120 cookie number) I might think “hmmm… this has been a lot of cookies, maybe I should take it easy”, but I’d plow through at least the first 5 without even giving it a second thought.  I love cookies.

resistance is futile…

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Food day was so-so… delicious scrambled eggs for breakfast, Chipotle-lite (last day of the 2-for-1) for lunch, and a healthy frozen dinner from Kashi while working at REI.  Also, I finished the Samoas.  Oops.  Food: B-

I was going to go for a swim today, but got caught up with some errands, watching MSU finish out the worst regular season I can ever remember, and then had to work at REI.  Distance: 0

Weight: 233.8 lbs – probably as a result of not eating much at all yesterday.  REAL hungry when I woke up.  (note: I do not believe starvation is a good/sustainable method for weight loss)…